Friday, July 29, 2011

I swear I'm pushing people away

I was hurting before this week, but now it's even worse. It's not in my muscles. It's in my knuckles, neck and lower back. According to my blood work, though, I'm not having inflammation problems. At least, not 1.5 months ago I wasn't.

I took the kids to the pool twice this week. Great exercise. I know my rheumatologist will be happy to hear I haven't just been sitting. We have also walked around. Not speedy, mind you, but we have. I actually feel a difference in my body, which is good.

However, Wednesday when we went to the pool, my 4 yr old wanted to jump off the side. I was standing to catch him. I had to turn my head because my oldest jumped in and splashed me. Well, as my head was turned, my 4 yr old jumped and messed up my neck.

I know it will never happen, but I'm so afraid that my little family here will NOT want to be around me anymore, because I hurt. I try to do things, even if I really can't, because I still _want_ to be part of everything. I cry a little now and again and hope they don't see. Sometimes I am crying and no one can tell because tears won't form or fall. Guess that's another progression of the disease. Along with the fact I have to use nasal spray because ... well...


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