Ow?

Okay, since my last post, I did get another shot. It was apparently to help me get moving. Now I have to wonder if I even received medicine in the shot, because I felt no relief. However, not thinking, before I went to the doc, I took naprosyn. I wonder if that somehow skewed the blood results, because my inflmation was down.

Since then, my pain has come on strong, subsided slightly (after mtx on Friday) then come back again. The most I can do is sit and read/comment on twitter or facebook. I used to play World of Warcraft, but I can't even enjoy that because my hands hurt so bad. Voice command on that would be a lot better.

I took a survey that asked if I have problems with buttons, tying shoes, etc. I started thinking about my life over the past few years (if not longer). I've converted to bras that fasten in front (I can't move my arms to do the back fastens). I keep my hair in a ponytail constantly because I can't brush my hair, it hurts my shoulders/wrists/fingers too much. I've converted to a battery operated toothbrush because I of the pain when using a regular one. I bought a pair of "tennis shoes" that have no ties/back so I can just slip my feet in them. All my shirts are pre-buttoned so I can just slip them over my head. And whenever possible, I wear pants/shorts that require no zipping/buttoning.

I also started remembering when I first had back pain. I was 13. Knee pain when I was in high school. Both were attributed to my active life. I rode bikes, played volleyball (I dove for the balls), did gymnastics (not taught professionally), ran, walked, etc. Because the pain I had was always dismissed as "nothing" I just pretty much learned to ignore it.

By the time I was on my own, I was religiously wearing knee braces. I was not overweight, then. I was in the military and was very far below the weight allowance. I was still active, walking, running, dancing (a lot).

It was about the time I was 23 when fatigue started being a huge issue. Military doctors attributed it to stress and sent me to various stress management classes. Even with all the techniques, I was still tired most of the time, and if I wasn't kept busy, I would fall asleep very fast. Not one doctor thought of running blood tests or to check for Vit D deficiency.

Around age 23-24, I started experiencing more and more back pain. More hip pain (bi-lateral) and my knees and shoulders "crunched" when moved. I was still super active, rollerblading, running, walking, lifting weights, etc.

Then I got preg with my first child. Toxemia took over and I've been fighting my weight and blood pressure ever since. After him, my back hurt a little more than normal, but I kept being active. Then, my daughter came and she was vbac. same pain, same activity, but now officially diagnosed with depression. It would be 10 yrs after that when I realize I had been depressed since I was 11 or 12 years old.

It was somewhere after her and during our move to Texas my pain started getting worse. Mainly in my back and wrists. I could type anything for as long as I wanted as long as it was on an ergo keyboard. My ability to write for periods of time began diminishing as well, too much pain in my wrists/fingers.

It wasn't until I stopped being "busy" every second of the day that I realized I was in constant back pain, that my knees, neck, shoulders, wrists and fingers hurt. The back, knees and neck were the worst of it all.

I went to a chiropractor and found out my lower back was broken at some point. I was under constant care for 3 years then I got pregnant and I cut back on visits.

Even during all this, I was stil walking as often as I could. Then, I have our last child and life changed. I thought it was the lack of activity because I was on bedrest for 5 months, or even the c-section. But my hands started hurting more and more. I kept going, ignoring it. Figured it was over use. Then all the other joints began to chime in and remind me they hurt, a lot.

It took over 4 years for me to find a rheumatologist and a GP that listened when I said, "This isn't normal. I've never been typical in my life, something is WRONG."

Now, almost a year after the rheumatologist, I'm on meds, but the pain is crazy bad. I think it's because I went for so long without anyone listening/treating me. I also think it's because I spent so many years ignoring the pain, keeping busy to keep my mind off things.

Right now, I just know something has to give. Over the past 2 weeks, I've had to have my daugther help me put my bra on because I can't move my arms the "right" way. When she isn't here, I take a hot shower to relieve some pain for a while so I can force my arms to do what they need to do.

I feel so guilty having to rely on my children and husband to do things for me.

So, with my diagnosis of RA/Fibromyalgia and depression, I'm on 15mg Mtx weekly, 2000mg sulfasalazine daily, 30 mg of cymbalta daily, 1 mg folic acid daily. Plus, because I can't seem to absorb Vitamin D - I take 5000-6000 mg daily. No pain killers have been prescribed. I take 1000mg ibuprofen at a time, about ever 6-8 hours. Sometimes I'll take 1 naprosyn (200mg) but it won't touch the pain.